#and then you like the 5 min thing much more
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Having fun with your psycho boyfriend
#shameless use of reference#grindeldore#gellert grindelwald#albus dumbledore#albus x gellert#my art#my grindeldore art#when you spent 5 min drawing something and several hours on another thing#and then you like the 5 min thing much more#:')
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ive talked to a lot of ppl who have taken vyvanse now and i think ik a bit more on how i need to live on it
#1) dopamine drops on lower dosages or high dosage but in the evenings feel like hell and it wont ever stop you have to just breathe#you will stop breathing well and you wont notice it so you have to remember to breathe deeply. this helps immensely for some reason#2) you will stop processing the existence of food as a consumable thing and not just an object like Table or Cardboard. you will not want to#eat anything. you have to buy meal replacement shakes. sweetness is one of the only pleasant flavours. eat protein. eat as much protein as#you can. down those meal replacament shakes. get enough for a day. try not to into calorie deficits on vyvanse.#3) your mind will be searching for cognitively complex tasks and everything else dwarfs in comparison. dont lay down. do something.#4) you have to exercise. fully exercise at the gym not a home 20 min work out. you need to push your body right now so that you can be ok#5) nothing will be as intense and vivid and beautiful and there will be a layer of seperation between you snd reality even on a lower dosage#this is fine. this is the primary price. sunlight helps and so does doing complex tasks but you cant avoid this. remind yourself that this#is a self-induced thing and its temporary and itll fade.#6) youve been ship of theseus'd into a new person and this effect only increases later into the day. any conclusion you reach about yourself#is most likely not applicable to your non-vyvanse self.#7) carry chapstick around. keep drinking water. dry mouth starts 5 minutes after taking it#8) some of your friends have a reduced range of emotion and this makes them more stable but less capable of experiencing intense joys#and sadnesses. look at them. listen to their perspective. live like them when youre on the medication.#9) music is still gorgeous#10) you will feel very hot very fast. wear layers you can take off.#11) pick up a bow and shoot. keep shooting. keep going. shoot at least 50 arrows if you can. feel the pain in your arms and your shoulders#and then keep shooting.
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More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)
- facial hair
+ closeups
I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??
#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION#lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape#i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other#but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh#but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½?#and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post#okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏#i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out#two people id like to blame:#thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :)#and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando#^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭#it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off#also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me#its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right????#anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out#but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork.#i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl#also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly#i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs#<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings#i wanna draw 3 things rn:#nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.art.#fa14#matador au
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something i was thinking about on stand yesterday.. danganronpa shsl lifeguard who tries to save a dying person they find, bonus points if they dont come clean about it at first because they think they actually killed that person with their efforts
#or if they do actually kill them which would be really tragic. this happens in chapter 4 of course#ok i actually put way too much thought into this. to put it into perspective i had shifts with 5 hours on stand saturdsy and sunday#i thought of it on saturday 20 mins in. so this concept has been in my brain for a while#anywayyy im thinking she had some pretty high profile eddie aikau type saves and got a little famous off that#AND is always offering to help people#so for the sake of writing another tragic athlete yuri ch4: i think the victim in her case is someone who is adamant about not wanting help#like a woman playing a sport typically seen as being manly (american football rugby wrestling etc etc)#im imagining shes from a family of pretty good (male) athletes and is constantly dealing with comparisons to portray her as weaker#she wont accept help or medical assistance because she thinks it makes her weak. which is a trait female characters should have more#so you get two really valid worldviews and its debatable whether the victim actually needed medical assistance/help or if it#just made things worse#anyway im imagining the ending of the previous chapter shows a black screen with#'unknown: hey hey are you okay?'#and ms life guard tries to give her situationship a slightly dignified resting place so we dont discover the body for a little while#not too long but a little while#actually i think the lifeguard killing the athlete with chest compressions would make a really compelling scenario#where the actual person with murderous intent was someone who poisoned or near-fatally hit the athlete#and they get to walk free (under extreme suspicion from other students) while the girl who got sooo close to saving her dies#lifeguard could be someone whos easily distracted but locks in while on duty to the point where shes like a different person#but slipping up and breaking the athletes rib (or whatever) was her one moment of panic#because she cared about the victim on a personal level#i neednto be sedated so i shut the fuck up. tomorrow is the first day of school bro#i DID say i had 10 hours to think about this
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.
#i've only been out for like 5 mins anyway so i kind of hate that anyway for maybe personal reasons??#i met a lot of trans people my age this year who also didn't come out during their entire 20s for Reasons#and we all agreed it fucking sucks and feels like wasted time#and i'm well aware people come out much much later than that and the same applies#as a transmasc person i have detected a small amount of 'well how would you know you only just came out like 5 mins ago'#from other transmasc people about my age who have been out way longer#and i understand where they are coming from i guess but i also can't help it#and i hope our community never has to be divided by supposed privilege lines of who came out when and who spent more time as 'cis'...#maybe people are already trying to do this but i hope not because none of that stuff is fixed enough to be an axis of oppression#though it does change our experiences of life of course it's never as simple as 'privileged vs oppressed' on things like this#in particular there's one transmasc person in my local area (there aren't many lol) who i really want to connect with but who has made#implications that they see people like me as trans babies of sorts#like not talking about me but someone else they said of a long-time friend of theirs who just came out as transmasc#'i could have used that support 10 years ago!'#i was just like :/ well they aren't talking about me but is this how people in my community see me??#anyway i think if we can't have compassion for and acceptance of each other's unique experiences it will stand in the way of intra-communit#connection
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For years, I've been trying to put into words Why I give a single iota about Bendy & the Ink Machine, but it's such a tangled mess that no thread can be seperated -- they're all interwoven in a way that makes it hard to pick them out. The game, overall, makes me miserable, because I can see that there was love put into it, but a lot of it is thrown to the wayside in favor of a story that I think was retroactively improved by the sequel's recontextualizing of it, but is ultimately not worth the price of admission & majorly drops the ball.
It's easy to list things I don't like about it -- the gameplay is sparse, the combat is uninteresting, none of the chapters feel connected, the bugs that assault all my playthroughs & kill my saves are consistent & fill me with dread every time I open the game, the lack of thought in the contents of a chapter (chapter 3's wheel ""puzzle"" & the animatronic Bendy from chapter 4, in specifc, really grind my gears), which speaks to the amateurish & rushed way that the game was crafted -- there's a lot to hate, & it's easy to hate it. But I don't. Despite all that, I am compelled by this game, by what it's trying & failing & trying again to say.
It's really easy to understand why you dislike something. I couldn't have told you much about what I did like, in Ink Machine.
& then, I played Dark Revival. I didn't realize I liked the story of Ink Machine, until I played Dark Revival. It's a better made game, it's just not fucking interesting, to me, because it doesn't have a story worth tuning in to.
#em.txt#negative#idk how better to word this. at no point did i ever consider ink machine to have a good story. it's quite bad.#the devs admitted they spliced in fan ideas & tossed out things as they went in response to the fandom#& it still somehow comes out as more. something. like more substance#& see I didn't think the story was that bad when i played dark revival. & then i rebeat the final bit to unlock#the archives -- much beloved btw. glad they brought them back for the sequel -- & read a character's blurb#& i realized the writers live in an alternate dimension where the ''twist'' they ''put in their game'' actually happened#Everyone i have ever seen play dark revival sees wilson being super telegraphed as evil thr whole game#& gets confused when audrey is like 'okay but he's a good dude though' bc nothing makes that make sense#he does nothing that can be viewed as good except oh wait i need to tag spoils now#batdr spoilers#okay. except for throwing malice in cycle breaker jail bc yeah from Audrey's pov that's prolly a good move#she does try to kill you. that's it though. like it's not that they have a common goal she just decides he's good#from nothing. HE KILLS YOU IN THE FIRST 5 MINS OF THE GAME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT#she spends a lot of time outbursting at alison bc she's been turned inky & hates it but alison didn't do that she just lives here!!!#she gets more mad at joey for telling her he swooced the ink machine than she does at wilson for trapping her & killing her#& summoning his horde to attack her which causes everyone to become hostile towards her#which btw. he never revokes that even when you defend him & are chilling in his manor#so you're still being attacked & shit even though he's actually like good thoughghhh#& it just makes audrey seem stupid for not realizing the obvious villain is evil & mean to her friends for no reason#i need to stop talking now i am going to explode
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#haven't had energy to log into here because my work has been kicking my ass i'm spending half of my day off laying in bed#i fell asleep yesterday after my 2nd shift in my clothes with no blanket and woke up freezing at 7 am 🤧#i layed on the bed for 5 mins just to regain strenght to do a few things before bed yedterday and got knocked out by the exhaustion 😭#these 2 shifts were particularly hard and i think it had also to do with my coworker suggesting the dumbest thing imo#the dude wanted me to give my WHOLE november shifts to him like...WTF#he said he needed a sum of money for december and like helloo..#what do you think i am doing here?? don't i need money??#i'd understand if he'd ask for a shift or two but whole fucking month the sheer audacity..#i've struggled so much mentally to ge to this point and to be able to get this job even if it's not in my professional field#and it's physically demanding very much and so many other cons#but i've got it and i was happy i got it and to think some stranger thinks#he's more entitled to it than someone else like ??? it's just bizzare to me#he seemed such a chill person before he asked this#and i've spent last 2 work days feeling guilty for protecting my boundaries...#but everybody around me says i did the right thing so i am trying to not stress about it anymore#and i was afraid this would ruin the good work relationship i thought we established but idk anymore#i will be very cautious about him now#tbd
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doing art trades made me realize how slow i becomed at drawing and aaahhhh this is not a problem but artfight is gonna be hard this year
#i didn't become slower my artstyle is just more detailed I KNOW IT BUT#it's a good thing actually because i like my art more and more and i'm able to do better stuff and ofc i need more time to make better stuf#it's good but i loved being able to draw over 150 ocs during artfight...#i managed to do 80 last year and i don't think i can do that much again#also don't ask how my wrist was doing after doing so many drawings IT WAS DOING BAD!!! OFC#my problem is that i want to fight everyone + attack back as much as possible#i can use less detailed artstyles as well!! :(( and nothing stop me from doing sketches but i always feel rly shy#if you do a 5 min doodle of my oc without any color or detail i'll still be the happiest person ever#but if i do the same i'll feel like i deserve to die dsjsjdds!!!#whatever it's in 2 months why am i thinking about it so much rn#it's gonna be ok probably
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inspired by my own 9-1-1 / bad buddy post, here's a bad buddy / starsky & hutch sequel about cutting ties with your past, polluting the ocean, throwing small shiny rectangular objects, etc. 🌊
#this is fully a shitpost but also. i DID get into it and go a little insane over how well tiny parts of this happen to match up#as you may be able to tell by how many cuts back and forth this has. and how interminably long it is. i know 2+ min is an eternity online#i would say nobody asked for this but i would be lying because i asked myself. and i delivered!!#video#*#bad buddy#starsky and hutch#anyway of course i have more to say:#1) worth noting that pat and pran are specifically in a zero waste village. it's all about NOT polluting the ocean fdjkf#2) watching all of this a bunch of times... dear god starsk. hutch. take like five steps closer to the water maybe#the way things stand they have to throw those badges a LONG way or they're barely going to make a splash#(also. please don't hit those birds. the birds did not invent Society)#3) i'm glad the bad buddy dynamic is what it is because if it weren't. that would have been one of the meanest things pat does#4) sometimes i go. yes bad buddy is corny and cringe but that's okay!! it's fun!!#and then i remember hutch unironically says things like well partner. the way i see it this old badge has polluted me just about enough#and i realize that i've BEEN here. i've BEEN in the corny cringe. i am rolling around in it#5) as mentioned in tags on previous post. yelling your feelings at the ocean is very much a recurring trope in queer movies and tv#i should start making a list actually maybe. but also. if getting rid of their badges with synchronized throws wasn't enough by itself#i'm pointing at bad buddy (explicitly queer). i'm pointing at starsky and hutch. i'm seeing dots#there's just Stuff to talk about here you know. dear god is there ever Stuff
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favorite part of work today was when i told the kids to get into two lines, n this one guy was like "i don't want to" n then started talking to his buddy in mandarin, n so then in chinese i was like, "hey, come here."
n he n his buddy looked at each other n then looked at me with like that faintly displeased expression that means they've realized they can't get away with not being that good at english (or feel terribly isolated from n indifferent to the adults bc they don't speak their language) anymore
and then when i told them to line up in mandarin they groaned abt it for sure but they did drag themselves into a line
#i walked in n this one kid handed me a book to read like a big hardcover graphic novel type thing n said i could look through it#so for kicks i started reading it out loud with all the silly voices n sound effects n blocking#and so then obviously the other children started to swarm me and god. kids have so much body heat#n you can feel it bc they have no personal space qwq#n anyway so i led them all to a different corner of the room and ended up reading 15 out of the 16 chapters of the book#out loud to a big chunk of the kids for like an hour w/a 5 min break halfway through for water#and when i came back the kids were organizing the chairs themselves into a semicircle to give me enough space to perform#i was sweating more than i have in Quite A While by the end bc again. children are So Warm n also being dramatic takes energy#the same kid who handed me the book today last year handed me some pokemon cards n i ended up spending all of spring camp#drawing pokemon from cards as references for kids to color n stuff bc i didn't want to go to the computer n print out coloring pages#so! i should probably stop spoiling/“yes and--”ing kids at work w/my nonsense but it gives them smth memorable at least#but also i am so fucking tired today lol i had to leave class as soon as it was done dash home to drop off my jacket n backpack#i didn't even have time to take off my shoes before entering the house so I Did An Unforgivable Sin (walked around w/shoes on)#n then put on my work jacket n dash out the door again to go to my 5.75 hr work shift o(--(#i don't regret it!! i did tell my boss i was free for afternoon camp shifts specifically bc i wanted these shifts even tho timing'd be tigh#successfully taught a kid to tie his shoelaces today though!!!!! what's w/kids n always using the very tips of their laces to mimic you tho#when you are very clearly handling the parts of the laces right next to your foot. it did click for him tho eventually#the worm speaks
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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I've been popping pills like they're candy lately. (Also known as I've been in pain a lot and my allergies are horrible bc of all the mold in my room).
#diary#personal#on another note entirely that i didnt want to put it in the main thing. i feel so. different from what ppl know me as sometimes#like. i may talk to you. and you may think you know me. but do you really? ive been thinking. if ppl met me would they even like me?#like. when i have meltdowns or sensory overload or just need time to chill n stim. or just lay down n nap#like. idk if others could tollerate that of me. if i met someone irl and arent heavily masking my personality you can tell im strange#fuck. just today i spent like 5-10 mins just. tapping on my collarbones hard bc it feels nice feeling ur bones vibrate#idk. like. honeslty i cant even put it into words and speaking itself is so ineffective tbh.#it just really sucks tho. cuz i mask so much of myself so much of the time. i mask the pain. i mask my happiness.#heck i even mask everything inbetween.#honestly i sorta just dont believe anyone would like me if i acted how i want to. like. i am very autistic natually. VERY AUTISTIC#i just hide all of that for everyones comfort and it makes things activly less enjoyable for me.#idk. i just. want to go out. cling to someone i care about and make them guide me. wear noise cancelling headphones everywhere#i rly just want to never go anywhere loud or crowded (even tho i like trying new food n things).#i want to jump up and down when im happy. run when i feel. scream if i want. cry if i need.#id like it if someone saw me meltdown or shutdown they wouldnt freak out.#id like to be able to mess up things in social situations and it wouldnt matter. i just wouldnt worry about if id still have a friend.#id like to be able to be heard when i say no i cant have/do that. i really wish that was the case even now.#i. really have just become so much more autistic the more ive focused on myself. my needs and my feelings .#like. today my dad wanted to order something that *admittedly* is the exact same thing i was gonna order.#HOWEVER THERE IS ONE KEY DIFFERENCE. IT IS NOT WHAT I PICKED OUT. so what if its different from what i want????#i cant have that!! so i panicked a lot. and he repeatedly ignored me when i said no i dont want x food.#eventually mom stepped in and made it so i got what i wanted.#yknow? existing hurts so much. just all of the time too. i keep on coming back lately to the same thought.#over and over and over again on repeat. just. idk. its hard to explain.#i keep on thinking how itd be better if i was like replaced with someone else. if someone else was born instead of me.#like. im utterly useless. but maybe if only x sperm was born instead of me they wouldnt be like me. idk.#maybe then everyone would be happy. maybe then theyd be able to work and make my parents and everyone else happy.#theyd be able to fit in. they could lead a much better life than me. i wish i wasnt so utterly useless.#i just want a long break. its exhausting living and im not rly cut out for it. too bad i wont get one anytime soon. god i hate this.
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the gall of some people- wait what’s a better word for gall I don’t like that one
#camera talks#sorry ANWYAYS. the Audacity of my coworker rn I’m like. actually laughing at her in my brain#I’m sorry but ‘I just feel like you aren’t helping out during the morning as much as I need you to be scam’#and ‘idk what you were doing the first 45 mins but when I asked you to help out and you kept doing sandwiches’#okay first off I set up Everything by myself this morning. coffee station. 3 tables. bread station. yogurts. fruit salad. the buffet#etc#half of which was supposed to be done last night but no one did itttt#secondly I told her ‘yeah let me finish this one sandwich and I’ll help out. because I already had sandwich gloves on so I wanted to finish#and gahhh it’s just so annoying. girl I did so fucking much this morning#breakfast wouldn’t be out without literally everything I did and youre asking me ‘oooh scam can I have some more help-#bc I don’t feel like you’re helping enough’ fuck off#she also mentioned she feels like I can’t hear her with one earbud in and Fuck That. I am not giving up my music at 6 in the morning#that’s the Only thing keeping me from kms on the commute so fuckkkk you#god whatever this probably seems super irrational but I’m just pissed that the assistant cook who gets paid way more than me#gets to ask me to do her job for her but I Cannot ask her to do dishes god Forbid#sorry guys I woke up at 4:30 and had to drive by 5:30 can you tell I got shitty sleep#also I have a dentist tomorrow Again and I don’t think that’s helping my emotions rn but alas. I’m at work so I can’t make a panic post#about the dentist Now that will have to wait#also no I’m not done yet cuz#also like yeah I’m aware this is real life adult shit that I’ll have to deal (shitty coworkers)#but it still sucks like. if I can think through my words and stuff to her and I’m ND and told I’m bad at social situations#(I don’t beleive that necessarily but no one cares so whatever)#then she can think about it and come to a reasonable thought as well and it just makes me upset#rahhh
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#the absolute insistence that eddie is straight and always will be#despite the fact that headcanoning him as queer has never really been an issue before now#is an interesting example of how SOME of those shippers care less about getting more queer representation#and more about lording their ship over buddies as a gotcha#surely we should be encouraging more queer representation? especially in a mainstream show?#which is why i don’t understand why people say ‘queer buck is enough’ like why??? why is that enough??#911 has 5 (i think) main or recurring queer characters. why can’t we have another one? why do we have to accept a limit on queer rep?#why do we have to treat it like a box-ticking diversity exercise?#ship what you wanna ship etc. i’ve said before i don’t have any problems with multi shippers or people who don’t ship buddie#this is literally all fictional#but those who’ve jumped ship. those who swear that eddie is straight and BT is a better relationship and BT are wonderful…#it feels forced at this point. sorry not sorry i don’t care anymore#how can you say. from an objective POV. that a 15 min screentime pairing who the writers don’t seem to care much about. is better than:#the 6-year friendship with shared trauma and experience and a history of love and support. and a child lol#purely from an objective storytelling POV. what??#let’s be real the only reason they’re now insisting that eddie will only ever be straight is bc he’s a threat to their ship#they know that if they make eddie canon queer then there’s nothing stopping them from doing canon buddie if they want to#also ‘he’s straight in canon’ my guy so was buck until 6 episodes ago and then over the course of ONE episode. he wasn’t#things can change quickly and without overt warning. this is ficitionnnnnnnnn
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7/4/24
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Ender toast
Talked with family a bunch
Clean bedsheets
Cat was being cute
Played Minecraft for the first time in a while
Realised I can understand more Japanese than I thought (still can't understand most of it though)
#happiness diary#happiness diary: april 2024#talked with my dad alot today#which is nice cus we usually dont talk much#We're not a really close family in the normal sense we're all uh kinda distant but loyal i guess is the way to put it#like we can go weeks with just the bare minimum of hi amd can you write the shopping list#that sorta thing but no actual talking despite living in the same house#the one i talk to the most is my older brother but we still only talk for like 5 mins out of the day maybe#so when we all sit and talk for more than 5 mins its fun#well sometimes its really not but i like it when it is fun#anyway night
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